Male Masturbation

Masturbation or self-gratification goes by a number of names. Masturbation should occur in private and if you live your parents, should be planned. You can get arrested for masturbating in a public space (even if it is a bathroom stall and even if there is no one else involved.) Considered “lewd behavior” if you indulge in public, masturbating in private is considered normal behavior for everyone.
Why should I plan masturbating?

Planning masturbation is a cornerstone to good sex in the future.

You want to give yourself plenty of time, so you do not get into the habit of rushing through sex.

You do not want anyone in your family to catch you masturbating. How would you like to associate sex with Grandma coming into the bathroom to put her false teeth away and catching you? Feeling guilty about sex, or associating sex with something negative can adversely affect your feelings about having sex in the future.

Masturbation sets the tone for your future sexual acts. You don’t want to feel guilty, rushed or have your fantasies blown up – if you get caught.

So, when should I masturbate?

Try to give yourself two hours of uninterrupted time, although one hour should do it. This means in the bath (showers are too short, although you can start arousing yourself in the shower,) after you are in bed, or if your left alone by yourself for any amount of time.

This means pretty much any time you won’t get caught.

Why do I want to masturbate all the time?

Welcome to puberty. It is not uncommon for a teen to want to masturbate constantly. This is where you start developing self-control.

But I’m older than my teens, why do I want to masturbate all the time?

Some men become fixated or obsessed with self-gratification, and find themselves masturbating more than five times a day. (With some men it's a lot more than five times a day.) Common answers to this problem are: get a hobby, get a girlfriend or get some self-control. However, if you have hobbies, a girlfriend that you can always have sex with and have no self-control in this area, you should seek professional help.

The need to masturbate excessively, can find you masturbating outside of the “private” parameters – let’s say in the bathroom at work, and this may lead to your being fired and/or jailed.

What should I use as a lubricant when masturbating?

Whatever you do, DON’T USE SOAP as a lubricant. Soap contains lye, which can burn like the dickens, especially if it gets in your urethra.

Lubricants you can use include KY jelly, petroleum jelly, mineral oil, baby oil, vegetable oil or olive oil.

Do not use petroleum jelly once you start having sex using a condom. Petroleum jelly can break down the materials of a condom.

Mom and the laundry – Just a note for you guys, if you masturbate and don’t use anything to catch your semen, it’s going to get on the sheets. When someone has to do the laundry, they will know what you’re doing. Either masturbate in the bathroom, use a condom or another piece of material, (which you will wash daily, no letting the semen stains build!)

Been there, done that, what can I do to improve masturbating?

Again, you need to plan some of these out and figure out a place to hide this from your parents if you still live at home:

Baggie filled with Jello
Lightly running different scraps of material against yourself, such as velvet or silk
Lightly whipping yourself with a leather strap
Using toys, such as a butt-plug or cock ring

While using toys can be fun, do not create them out of things found in home. Cock rings can unsnap easily, but if you use rope, you may find your self with a pair of scissors, way to close to Mr. Happy, while trying to get it off. If you grab something to use as a dildo, it may break inside of you or, if it doesn’t have a base, it may go all the way inside of you.

It’s too late for that advice – how do I get it out?!

Whatever you do, don’t panic.

Remember – you got it in there in the first place, it will come out.

My first suggestion has to be - get to a doctor, emergency room or clinic. Having something stuck inside a patient’s anus happens so often in major cities, many emergency room personnel have running bets on how many people they will see a shift with this problem.

If you have something that broke off inside you, this is my only suggestion.

Unfortunately if you’re a minor, you’ll need a parent or guardian present.

My second suggestion is to use boat loads of petroleum jelly, and go fishing for it yourself. Lie back on a bed, drawing your knees up or sit on a toilet. After applying petroleum jelly, (lots and lots of petroleum jelly,) both outside and inside the ring of your anus, use two fingers to try and locate your impromptu toy and gently guide it out.

Your muscles will relax more and you can get access inside easier if you pretend you’re defecating.

You’d be amazed how wide your anus can stretch.

If this ever happens to you, after retrieval, a little bleeding may be normal. A lot bleeding is not. Nor is bleeding that lasts more than a day. Bite the bullet, tell your parent or guardian what happened and get to a doctor.

Okay, let’s pull back from the scary side and talk about masturbation myths.

Masturbating will stunt your growth.
Not true.

I’ll get hairy palms if I masturbate.
Not true.

Masturbating is a sin.
Not true, with an explanation. If you are religious and believe in the bible, you have to remember that the bible was written and translated by man. If it wasn’t part of the 10 commandments – written by God, I have trouble seeing it as a sin. Anything written by man, is a cultural preference. And, at a time where old age meant you had made it to 35 and infant mortality was 30-50%, the cultural preference was for you to not to “cast your seed upon the ground.”

So there you have it - male masturbation or the story of Rosey Palm and her 5 sisters. Have fun!

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